Jedidja

A Christian upbringing, going to church every Sunday, a Christian school, being surrounded by great examples, etc. I had it all. So faith was something very obvious for me. I knew Jesus had died for my sins, I knew He rose again. I’ve always been very grateful for that mercy. I never had to wonder about Gods existence. The things I saw around me were enough proof that He was working in my life and in the lives of other people.

During a depression that started when I was fourteen, I kept sensing His guiding hand in the choices I made. Thanks to the prayers of the many people that surrounded me, I succeeded in overcoming my depression. But I still didn’t live in true dependence on God. Essentially everything was my responsibility. In spite of good intentions I kept forgetting to read my Bible and pray faithfully. I wanted it so much, but I just didn’t have the inner peace to do it.

Only a few years ago I started longing for a true relationship with Jesus. I wanted to know what God wanted with my life. That#s why I decided to surrender my life to Him a little more. At a certain point He gave me a longing to join a group of young people from my church on their trip to Ethiopia. The purpose of this trip was to experience what being a missionary was like. Because I had been surrounded by missionaries for as long as I can remember, I really hoped I would never be called to become one. Going on this trip was a huge step for me. There was a certain risk that I would still receive the calling I had always closed my ears for.

God opened my heart for the people there. We were being cared for by two missionaries, a husband and wife, who continually encouraged us in our faith. I realized God was moulding me there, I saw how He wanted to teach me things through those people. Back in the Netherlands I discovered many things had gotten between me and God. The individualism and materialism I was so attached to started to annoy me. My urge to keep everything under control lessened. Because I tried to get closer to God, I started to trust His provision more and more. And finally I was able to enter Gods rest.